My dreams are getting more vivid too — so vivid that sometimes after waking up, I have to sit for a moment before I can tell whether what just happened was a dream or reality.
In my dreams I'm always fighting with friends. Screaming at them, saying horrible things, storming off like it's a real goodbye. When I wake up, my chest still feels tight. I know it was just a dream, but I can't stop replaying it.
I also don't want to go to work anymore.
But it's only when I'm working — when that bone-tired, drained feeling washes over me — that I suddenly remember I'm alive, that I'm still in the real world.
I really hate temporary things.
Free trials in games. People who are only around for a season. Brief encounters.
If I know they won't last, why chase that fleeting sweetness at all?
Because I've realized: the emptiness that lingers after happiness fades weighs just as much as the joy did when it arrived.
So every time I start to feel happy, my first reaction isn't joy — it's wondering how much longer this can last.
I start weighing things. Hesitating.
Do I accept this happiness, knowing it's bound to end? Or do I stick with a quieter, steadier life?
But if I always play it safe, where exactly do I find lasting happiness?
Or maybe there's no such thing as lasting happiness in this world at all.
If that's true, doesn't that make my life... a little too dull?
Day 120 of 2026
Lately I've been losing track of day and night.
My dreams are getting more vivid too — so vivid that sometimes after waking up, I have to sit for a moment before I can tell whether what just happened was a dream or reality.
In my dreams I'm always fighting with friends. Screaming at them, saying horrible things, storming off like it's a real goodbye. When I wake up, my chest still feels tight. I know it was just a dream, but I can't stop replaying it.
I also don't want to go to work anymore.
But it's only when I'm working — when that bone-tired, drained feeling washes over me — that I suddenly remember I'm alive, that I'm still in the real world.
I really hate temporary things.
Free trials in games. People who are only around for a season. Brief encounters.
If I know they won't last, why chase that fleeting sweetness at all?
Because I've realized: the emptiness that lingers after happiness fades weighs just as much as the joy did when it arrived.
So every time I start to feel happy, my first reaction isn't joy — it's wondering how much longer this can last.
I start weighing things. Hesitating.
Do I accept this happiness, knowing it's bound to end? Or do I stick with a quieter, steadier life?
But if I always play it safe, where exactly do I find lasting happiness?
Or maybe there's no such thing as lasting happiness in this world at all.
If that's true, doesn't that make my life... a little too dull?