Just the thought of this long, long life, and how hard it will be to see you again—it chokes me up.
I used to think this line was about life and death. Only later did I realize it was really about time.
We're all still alive and well. No fights, no betrayals, no one has left this world. It's just that after growing up, we each live our own lives now, and meeting again gets harder and harder.
Lately, I've been cutting ties with a lot of friends. Not because they're bad people, and not because anything happened. I just suddenly felt that rather than wait for us to drift apart one day, I'd rather be the one to end it.
At least this way, the parting happens at a time I can still handle.
I've grown to hate things that don't last. Trial passes in games, temporary companionship, a relationship that was doomed from the start. When you know something won't be around forever, why let yourself have it in the first place? Because once you do, losing it hurts way too much.
Eventually I realized: I don't hate impermanence. I'm just terrified of loss.
So whenever someone gets close, what I think about isn't how happy we'll be—it's how sad I'll be later.
I started pushing people away, over and over, as if walking away first would make the goodbye hurt less.
But when I finally said goodbye for real, I found out that the one who leaves gets hurt too.
Just the thought of this long, long life, and how hard it will be to see you again—it chokes me up.
Day 153 of 2026
Just the thought of this long, long life, and how hard it will be to see you again—it chokes me up.
I used to think this line was about life and death. Only later did I realize it was really about time.
We're all still alive and well. No fights, no betrayals, no one has left this world. It's just that after growing up, we each live our own lives now, and meeting again gets harder and harder.
Lately, I've been cutting ties with a lot of friends.
Not because they're bad people, and not because anything happened.
I just suddenly felt that rather than wait for us to drift apart one day, I'd rather be the one to end it.
At least this way, the parting happens at a time I can still handle.
I've grown to hate things that don't last.
Trial passes in games, temporary companionship, a relationship that was doomed from the start.
When you know something won't be around forever, why let yourself have it in the first place?
Because once you do, losing it hurts way too much.
Eventually I realized: I don't hate impermanence. I'm just terrified of loss.
So whenever someone gets close, what I think about isn't how happy we'll be—it's how sad I'll be later.
I started pushing people away, over and over, as if walking away first would make the goodbye hurt less.
But when I finally said goodbye for real, I found out that the one who leaves gets hurt too.
Just the thought of this long, long life, and how hard it will be to see you again—it chokes me up.